it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
