there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
