how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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