I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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