He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
