no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my shit smells like andre
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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