I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
