so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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