planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
