I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How does one acquire holy water?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
