hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
