I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
