david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
