you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
