the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
