I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
