Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
