Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
