We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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