Kiss
Puke
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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