My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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