I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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