When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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