nut hugger
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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