After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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