Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
