nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
