Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
