the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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