I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
