Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
