I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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