R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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