i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
