I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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