Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
