we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
