Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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