I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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