If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
