She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
