Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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