I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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