its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
