you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
