Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
