Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
from now on my penis is your penis
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
