if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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