I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Where is the hickey?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
