All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
