If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
