I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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