alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
